Dirty.
It has come to my attention that Scottish men are surprisingly different than English men. From some of the press that Scotland, and particularly Glasgow, gets you'd maybe be pursuaded to think that the majority of male scots are alcoholic, unintelligible smackheads (like in the above film) who wear kilts with nothing on underneath.
But i am here to right these english wrongs! *assumes generic scottish accent in the style of Braveheart*
OBVIOUSLY i'm not talking about every male in the country of scotland (gosh, i've only been living here for like 5 months-that'd be VERY busy) but here's a general list of differences.
1. scottish men are more sporty.
all the guys i know back in england never play sport. well, the vast majority don't. if they do its a not-real-sport-more-driving-to-gym type. scottish men watch sport. they play it. they read about it. they talk about it. it wouldn't be the news without an update on the rugby or the football. unfortunately they also talk to me about it and 'i hate sport. i was disturbed by a flirtatious PE teacher and years of bullying by other PE teachers' is kind of a conversation stopper. the jury is out as to whether this sport malarky is good or bad.
all the guys i know back in england never play sport. well, the vast majority don't. if they do its a not-real-sport-more-driving-to-gym type. scottish men watch sport. they play it. they read about it. they talk about it. it wouldn't be the news without an update on the rugby or the football. unfortunately they also talk to me about it and 'i hate sport. i was disturbed by a flirtatious PE teacher and years of bullying by other PE teachers' is kind of a conversation stopper. the jury is out as to whether this sport malarky is good or bad.
2. scottish men are louder.
yes perhaps its the result of all that sport making the testosterone pump but my god you can hear them a mile off.
3. scottish men have more charm.
english men seem to stagger towards you and just grope you in the hope. scottish men will speak to you and offer you a drink/1-4 types of drugs/to move in with them/to marry you. this perhaps goes hand in hand with taking the piss out of your english accent and saying you sound like a newsreader and/or the queen.
the only way to get round this is to call them ruffians and to insult the one pound note (they are great apart from when you drunkenly think its a tenner and are disappointed later.)
the only way to get round this is to call them ruffians and to insult the one pound note (they are great apart from when you drunkenly think its a tenner and are disappointed later.)
4. scottish men are more talkative.
in general, they will not stare at your cleavage in silence. they might however witter on, so fast you have no idea what they are saying. occasionally their accent may be so thick that even if they say every word so slow you feel like a moron, you still won't be able to understand a word of what they are saying.
sometimes the english party may feel themselves going 'what?!' constantly cos in an effort to be intimate the scot is whispering so you can't understand what they are saying and just replying 'yes' can sometimes be, as we all know from that Seinfeld episode, fatal.
5. scottish men do wear kilts.
they will take any opportunity to don a kilt, and a sporran and those long socks, and a little jacket/waistcoat ensemble, but most importantly the kilt.
balls, football matches, the pub and streetcorner with fag in the mouth, if he's wearing a kilt, don't mess with him. i have yet to discover whether they wear anything underneath (i don't think the nympho root is a good look, really)
6. the vast majority of scottish men are 'metrosexual'
yes, they will spend half an hour deciding which sweater to buy. yes, they will carry round a little pot of wax for their hair and yes, they will wear scent. but no, they aren't gay.
this is difficult one to seperate the nations, because noel fielding has changed gender identity for good! in general i'd say the scottish look upon it more holistically and therefore do it better than the half arsed 'ohh i'll just straighten it' english school.
OOH guess who i saw flicking his hair whilst walking into a nice (but not the nicest) grocer's on Byres road the other week?! ROBERT CARLYLE. old Begbie himself! he IS hot. i maintain this until i find one more person that agrees.
Today's Song is...
Spooky by Dusty Springfield
it is an ace song which is rather good for listening to while it's raining and dark outside. who's watching The One And Only?! that Kylie should go, she's shite. Frank Sinatra's good too-he's so sweet.
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